genderbinary | oh no i had a feeling

So Sieh kissed Naoto in the Chance game! And Naoto reciprocated! After several moments of WHAT IS HAPPENING I DON'T EVEN FKZFKLGKFSM////////, but still!! It's... sort of a step in the right direction in terms of her development and a step backwards at the same time. Sieh is probably the most important person on Tiger's Eye to Naoto; she connects with him much more than anyone else, and I think part of that has to do with Naoto's perception of herself and the issues she's facing inside that she's not willing to verbalize. Naoto sees herself as young and inexperienced, despite the fact that she got her detective skill back, the memories of solving over twenty cases in the past AND the memory of aiding her grandfather in casework as a child. The reason why she still sees herself as childish in many ways is because she feels vulnerable, dependent on others, and ill-equipped to handle the finer nuances of emotions and emotional relationships. She sees herself very much as a living, breathing tool--one that's best use is being a detective, and anything in her life that falls outside that category (friendships, relationships of any kind, games) leaves her feeling very perplexed. She's forced to compare her experiences with relationships as she's developed them in Aather (tentative, cautious, but curious and willing to learn) versus how they're developed in her memories (uncertain, awkward, but able to make brief connections). In her memories she's much more closed-off emotionally than she is in Aather, in large part due to games and TE not letting her lock away all her feelings. But the flip-side of this is that she wonders which emotional aspect of herself (the Naoto in Aather or the Naoto in her memories) is better; and she feels a lot more vulnerable, as well. And based on the experiences in her memories, Naoto associates feeling vulnerable with feeling inexperienced and immature.

So this is where Sieh comes in. Naoto has kind of a unique association with him; she thinks of both Toboe and Sieh as child-like, but while she associates Toboe with a more fragile sense of protection and naivete, she associate Sieh with awareness and reflection because he has the special position of being a child and not being a child (in human terms) at the same time. This is... almost equivalent to how Naoto perceives herself--caught between a child-like sense of wonder and determination at being a detective, and a more adult perspective on the harshness of reality and the limitations placed upon her for her age and gender. She finds Sieh's frustrations and difficulties sympathetic even though there's much about him she doesn't understand, and finds it easier to explain her feelings to him than anyone else on Tiger's Eye. But, (as Mitchell hilariously put it) she and Sieh are on "opposite sides of the morality spectrum". They're not without their differences of opinion, but this is partially resolved by the fact that Naoto and Sieh's development in Aather has been occuring around the same time and in relation to each other, so there's already a level of compromise and understanding that's been building up for some time. It's imperfect, obviously, but it's enough so that they're not constantly fighting or bickering. They get along really well! REALLY REALLY WELL AMIRITE wait no i'm trying to write a serious essay

It is worth noting that Naoto's feelings on her body are going haywire right now. Because yes, she does have hormones, and yes, she finds Sieh when he's older really attractive and liked that kiss more than she would otherwise be willing to admit--but the entire experience amps up her feelings of vulnerability tenfold, because her body is doing unfamiliar things. And that's getting into terrifying territory, for Naoto. She does trust Sieh a lot, however; enough to let herself be somewhat vulnerable with him, but it's tentative, and she's liable to shut down on a few topics if no one notices her inner flip-outs. That this happened after the disappointment experienced with the sexswap adds an increase in feeling displaced with her body (although her skill should help with that somewhat? we will see!!), which makes her not entirely sure how to handle Sieh when he kisses her/flirts with her.

Basically this has the potential to be either a very good thing for Naoto, or terribly destructive. LET'S ALL FIND OUT TOGETHER, SHALL WE

Questions/Comments? :D? This was fairly short so I probably have more writing mojo in me that I'm not tapping into.

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I AM STILL CURIOUS ABOUT THE MORALITY THING is she just not really thinking about it? Or does she think he can develop to care about killing humans or what :|a

It's more that she's come to the conclusion that Sieh (and Mitchell, too) both have their reasons for believing in what she would classify as 'morally dubious'--reasons that, while potentially problematic, shouldn't be discarded. She understands that Sieh and Mitchell come from perspectives of feeling antagonized by humans, and that to disqualify their opinions simply because of that kind of bias is also really problematic because their experiences are legit (especially Sieh's). It doesn't mean she's going to turn a blind eye, but it means she's going to take a brief step back and think more about how to find a middle ground they can agree on.

I should also mention that it isn't foremost in her mind, and she figures that if she and Sieh can be friends without that aspect driving a huge barrier between them, they can be... other things, as well!

Edited 2012-06-21 15:03 (UTC)

How's Naoto going to approach the idea of sex?

My first instinct is to say SHE'S NOT

but

I know how you work, so

There's a level of intimacy that Naoto could in theory be prepared for, but not only is it going to be surrounded by trepidation and uncertainty, it's more than likely that Naoto will find her own reactions too frustrating and shut down past makeouts. It IS possible that she could approach this area with hesitant curiosity instead, but given the level of general MY BRAIN IS FULL OF FUCK-ness she's experiencing with her body right now, it would take some coaxing. Which is not to say that it couldn't be a positive experience for her, but I think the most likely scenario involves some flipouts. Also, she doesn't really know how to cuddle. '-'

Edited 2012-06-21 15:12 (UTC)