Memory #8 - Significant Negative - The Beauty pageant

[genderbinary]

Earned Day 131
Form: A small matchbook -- with only three matches -- strike a match to view the memory
Shareable: 1/3
Shared with: Mitchell
Taken: Yes

Beginning (Naoto's backstage/can hear everything from the mic) to 9:07.

Learned
--STAGE FRIGHT STAGE FRIGHT
--Basically before Naoto's turn onstage she is experiencing extreme amounts of horror, embarrassment, awkwardness, physical disassociation, inability to focus on being calm and collected, and it all gets amped up tenfold when she goes onstage.
--The other girls, with the exception of Rise, seem nervous too, which is a comfort (sort of), but not nearly as much as she is.
--Yukiko's family runs the Amagi Inn, a hot springs resort. Okay, that's interesting.
--Ffffffff my voice is cracking D| AND WHERE IS MY HAT
--This is horrible.
--Why are we doing this!?
--And of course the boys are watching. I'm really not happy that they're looking at myself and the other girls like this humiliating farce is normal or entertaining. I'm not happy they're looking at us at all.
--Why is Teddie the judge. Is this his doing? Did he plan this? I will end that bear.
--What are these embarrassing, invasive questions!?
--SWIMSUITS?! I WILL END THAT BEAR
--FUCK NO I'M NOT TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT
--Is that a teacher...???
--Whatever. I'm just going to stay in the dressing room until this whole ridiculousness is over.
--...
--...
--...
--I WON?!
--I won because I look like a boy and all the girls in the audience thought I was cute.
--Great.


Memory Effects
+ 6000 Humiliation at how she looks
+ 7000 Discomfort with her body, with added disconnect regarding her physical body and mental perception of herself
+ 4000 Anger at people, at society, at her friends for treating this like it's normal and acceptable to objectify women's bodies for the sake of something so trivial
+ 2000 Anger at herself for being a part of it at all
+ 3000 Embarassment at being called attractive, ever